| Claudia and Ryan | ||||||
Claudia and Ryan
by Jayne A. Major, Ph. D.Tags: (Tag) Click here for a printable version.
How can she solve her problem? She used the six logic steps. Step One: What is the problem? Ryan is five years old and on four occasions he has used matches or a lighter to start a fire.He isn’t listening to his mother. Step Two: Analyze the problem. My getting angry with him makes him lie and hide what he is doing. He doesn’t listen because I’m not listening to him. I also resort to drama instead of logic which makes it worse. We aren’t communicating. He is 5 and he doesn’t understand how dangerous fire is. Also, each time matches and grandpa’s lighter were left in places where Ryan could pick them up. Step Three: Brainstorm solutions. First, matches and lighters should be kept out of Ryan’s reach at all times. My getting hysterical over this isn’t helping. Who can influence Ryan to understand how dangerous fire is? He is not listening to me. Step Four: Make a plan. Get grandpa to cooperate and be diligent about keeping things that make fire out of reach. Calm down– the house hasn’t burned down. Use logic, not drama. Take Ryan to the fire station and have a fireman explain how dangerous fire is. Step Five: Do it. Grandpa agrees and followed through by keeping his matches and lighter out of Ryan’s reach. Claudia uses more relaxation techniques to calm down. She takes Ryan to the fire station. Fireman John lets Ryan get on a fire engine and pretend to drive the truck. Ryan loves this. Then the fireman shows Ryan some pictures of fires and explains how a big fire can start from a little one like from matches or lighters. Fires can get big fast. It is hard work putting out a big fire. People need to be careful and use fire safely. Ryan enjoys the trip to the fire station and agrees not to start a fire unless mom is present. Mom lets Ryan use a fire starter to light candles and blow them out later. She thinks about other ways to teach Ryan how to use fire safely. Evaluate: Ryan hasn’t started any more fires. Grandpa is cooperating by keeping his lighter out of Ryan’s reach. Claudia’s plan worked. If it doesn’t continue to work, she should start over with Step One. Comment: When children do something dangerous it is easy to react with emotion and turn the situation into drama. When parents ask a child a question in a suspicious voice, most children lie. Children don’t listen to histrionic lectures of right and wrong,good or bad. Fireman John doesn’t use this technique. He lets Ryan have a good time playing on the fire engine and then uses statement sentences and pictures to explain about fire. Ryan understands this way. He would have understood mom also if she calmly avoided an accusatory tone and used statement sentences instead of questions.Also, make an agreement with Ryan about telling the truth. “I think you want me to tell you the truth. It is only fair for you to tell the truth as well. I want to know if you and I can agree to tell each other the truth.” Ryan agrees and they shake on it. Of course, this agreement will be broken over and over again because Ryan is so young and hasn’t internalized the importance. Mom will need to continually remind him until he has done so.
Originally Posted: Aug 1, 2008 at 10:11 AM Last Updated: Aug 1, 2008 at 10:11 AM -- Current Rating: 0 of 5 Click here for a printable version. |
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